"Children, obey your parents in the
Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first
commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou may
live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to
wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
(Ephesians 6:1-4 AV)
Jennifer walked softly through the living room toward the kitchen,
praying her father lying on the couch was asleep and did not wake up as
she passed by him. She could see all the empty beer cans, and the smell of
alcohol was unbearable, so she knew he was drunk again. She thanked God
that it wasn’t this way all the time, but it seemed to be happening more
and more lately.
As she cautiously made her way by him her mind was flooded with
memories of the last time she had been alone in the house and he was
drunk. The bruises on her face had faded, but she still wore long sleeve
shirts to hide the deeper bruises on her arms. When mom was home, she
wouldn’t let dad touch her when he was like this. Though that was
becoming less and less of a comfort for dad was now beginning to hit mom
too.
If only dad could find work maybe he wouldn’t be like this. She tried
very hard to make sure she always pleased him, but for some reason she
couldn’t seem to please him, and they always ended up with him screaming
at her and threatening various bodily harm. He wasn’t really that bad
when he was sober. And, he always was so sorry after the fact and tried to
make up for what the alcohol had made him do. She uttered a word of thanks
as she moved out of the living room and his presence. As she quietly
closed the door behind her, she added "And Lord, please fix our
family, help my dad."
Question: What can a child do that is being Physically abused?
Question: What advice can you give a child who you think is abused or
who has asked you what they can do?
Question: What options does an older child, sixteen or seventeen, and
do these options vary from what are available to a younger child?
Working through the problem:
First regardless of age the child should talk, let someone know it is
happening. In the case here the mother is aware of the problem, but is
unable to fix the problem. Jennifer needs to talk with her parents and
others. The family needs help! No abuse of this nature is acceptable and
even once in awhile is not okay. Left to fester in the dark bad behavior
will only get worse and never better. No one should have to live in a
house where they are scared out of their wits most of the time. AND – No
one does! There are solutions to this situation. They may not be ideal,
nor that which we would like, but the abuse and fear must end.
First step – Talk to other adults in the family, especially
grandparents or a favorite aunt or uncle. If the results are not immediate
and a feeling of safety restored, move outside the family, talk to your
pastor or a school teacher you trust. The options available are the same
regardless of age of the child. However an older child that has lived in a
situation like this are most apt to make a wrong decision and ruin their
future. If you have tried these sources and don’t seem to be getting
anywhere, or perhaps things are only getting worse, call DSS. The county
Social Services gets a bad rap because of the nature of their job, and
most see it as interference in "family" business. Nonetheless, a
child in danger will be removed from the situation immediately, and have a
place of safety while attempts to get the help needed to bring peace back
into the family and make the house a home again are being made.
The solution:
Confrontation of the problem and appropriate counseling for the whole
family. The idea is not to divide and destroy the family, but return it to
full health. DSS does a good job of this, and from experience will work
with all parties to get them back into the home as soon as possible.
Under no circumstance should a child run away from home with nowhere to
go. This is as true for the teenager as it is a younger child. You can and
I believe almost certainly will be taken advantage of when you do this,
and the end result will be worse than the situation you are running away
from.
Talk to your grandparents, or another adult. Really scared, call the
police! The thought of being taken away from home is frightening, but
living with abuse is worse. The end result of seeking help will be for the
good of all, and is the only hope for the family as a whole.
Children 17 or older can find a place to live and remove themselves
from the home. Parents cannot force a seventeen year old, or older child
to return home in South Carolina. This doesn’t mean move in with a boy
friend or girl friend or any other ungodly solution. Find a relative who
will allow you to live with them and then submit to the parents in that
home as if your own. Don’t break off all contact with your parents,
leave doors of reconciliation open, just don’t be too anxious to go back
through that door until you know things have really changed.
The Bible says children are to obey their parents, and this is a great
truth that we must go to the limit to do. However the Bible also gives a
responsibility to the parents for their children and this must be obeyed
also. When children and parents live by the Bible, we don’t have these
situations to begin with. So keeping the family together as God designed
it is of top importance, but no where do we find God telling us we have to
live in constant fear because others are not living as God has directed.
Be careful to obey God, and don’t cause strife where it doesn’t exist,
but speak up, don’t live in the house built by Satan. I believe the
verse from the Bible above is clear enough for us all to see how God
desires we live. This is a commandment, not a suggestion. So children,
(age doesn’t enter in here) obey your parents. Parents, love your
children!
© 1st EPC Clover, SC
