Everyone faces problems. That is an accepted fact. When the problem is ours, we can be overwhelmed with the worry and pain. Under these circumstances, the same problems we have helped others face can be devastating. Deep personal hurt, causes such a wound. Perhaps we have been rejected by someone we love or have been told we have a serious illness. We just found out we are going to be the father or mother of a new baby. We still force the smile, say the words, but inside we are all knots, and turmoil.

When we hurt, we tend to isolate ourselves. We retreat instead of reaching out. Reaching out to others in such times is the only cure. Left alone to nurture our own wounds only causes more hurt. We have all lost friends to suicide with problems that were not that big a deal to us. The closed door and self pity is the pathway to this drastic and fatal step.

We live in a world that promotes being self sustaining, independent. We are taught that "men" especially shouldn't show emotions. So we suffer, while we play the "what if" game and drown in self inflicted guilt. What if I had not . . . What if I had . . . instead of . . . If only I were a stronger person. If only I were smarter, more handsome, and etc. Give yourself permission to be human, to feel pain without guilt. Let yourself hurt, cry, and feel bad over the situation. Denying the circumstances, or covering our own failure is not an answer to anything.

You will never be anyone or amount to anything without failure and set backs. These are part of the human experience. From a religious point of view, we can never be saved until we can admit we need help. Realizing we need help, we "reach out" to God, and find that He has always been there. In the Bible we find our Lord shed tears. He shed tears of sadness, joy, and pain. In short, He too was human.

While it is true that often our failures are God's way of guiding us through life, as He opens one door and closes another along our pathway. It is hard for us mortals to understand this, and we falter. Seek help immediately from those around you. Talk to your pastor, any pastor. Pastor's are trained to deal with these deep wounds of the soul.

Making and keeping the "right" friends around you can be the best resource you have to face life. This is why the Church places so much emphasis on fellowship groups for each age group, singles, mature adults, etc. We all need friends with whom we can identify and believe can understand our problems. We need friends who can give solid advice. In this world without absolutes and standards, only the Church dares to rise up and proclaim we have a guide book. Contrary to the world we live in, only God always speaks the truth.

Once we have faced our human nature, there is another step we can take. Own our emotions, but live and act as if we were happy despite them. Emotions follow action! Let me repeat that "Emotions follow action!" We were not sad or hurting before a certain event happened. The same is true with happiness. When we get up off the self pity pot and quit condemning ourselves, we have started down the road to happiness. We cannot isolate ourselves, we must get out and do fun things. Yes, we are still sad. No, the event did not disappear. But, the human mind cannot concentrate on two things at once. Doing fun things brings smiles and laughter. Laughter brings healing. Refusing to retreat behind a door of hurt and self pity is the ticket to buy the time that we need to evaluate our situation with a clear mind. Then we can make use of our God given ability to be a logical creature and make the right choices.

A stiff upper lip and being strong is not the mark of maturity. We are mature when we can face the difficulties of life, and come through not defeated, but wiser and stronger. Problems, when properly handled build character. This is the promise of God in the Bible to all who believe in Him. Read Romans 5:1-6.

The Christian life and trusting God aren't denying the truth. It is not living with our heads in the clouds. Being a believer means we believe the instruction book (the Bible) that God sent along with His most special creation (us). It allows us to understand how we are made so we can make use of the mind that God gave us to claim His promise to us that, "we are more than conquerors through Jesus Christ." The Apostle Paul wrote, "rejoice always." The circumstances are the same, but we choose to be ourselves, to be happy despite the circumstances. The tears will still come, but now they are tears of growth, not despair and death.