Ralph Waldo Emerson penned the words, "What you do speaks so loud I can't hear what you are saying." It has also been said "The actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts." I do not think there is anyone passes through adolescence without hearing the words "If you want to be treated like an adult, act like an adult."

These words of wisdom can be applied to almost any situation at any age. They are a key for the teenager who wants more responsibility (freedom). Trust and respect are not ours by birthright; they must be earned. The first lesson taught in U.S. Army leadership schools is the application of this truth. There the new leader is taught that he commands obedience by being placed into a position of authority. However, respect must be earned! In most applications we find that respect translates to trust, and trust brings independence and freedom of choice.

This is especially true for teenagers. When your parents can't trust you in the small things around the house, they can't trust you when you aren't there. If you cannot accept the responsibility of picking up after yourself, how can they trust you to take care of the whole house when they are away?

QUESTION: If you cannot be trusted to take care of your personal belongings at home (bike left in the drive etc.); how can they trust you with the family car?

This line of reasoning could continue forever. By now most under the age of twenty and some over have quit reading because they cannot see the connection. Their argument is that "I" have enough sense to know what is important and what is not. They would argue that the small cannot be compared to the large when it comes to trust and responsibility. This is not a logical thought process, and they are wrong.

Read the second quotation in the opening paragraph again! What we do is an indication of what we think. The Bible puts a great emphasis on how things appear (1Thessalonians 5:21-22). These verses tell us to avoid all appearance of evil. Some scholars believe that this means to avoid all "forms" of evil. I believe the original translators made the correct choice of the English word appearance. This choice (appearance) agrees with the testimony of the complete Biblical record and teaching.

Question: How do we apply this to our daily lives?

For the teenager it means showing that you are mature and responsible. The words from all the past generations of parents are true. When we act like adults, we will be treated like adults. This applies to whom we choose for friends, the clothing we choose to wear, and everything else we do. It may be our right to wear "cool" clothing, weird hair, or express our uniqueness in another way. However, there is a price to pay for being "different." The choice may well mean that we can't get that summer job we want. Because we choose to have friends from the fringe of society, our parents may choose to set tighter limits on what we can and cannot do.

Almost every person in our society passes through this stage of "rebellion" and self expression somewhere between the ages of fourteen and twenty. They all must pay the price for this self expression. This is why the words of parents seem to echo from one generation to the next. The intent is not to teach that we should limit or stifle self-expression. The intent is to teach that we should conform to the social "norms" for the society we live in. When the person doing the hiring thinks long hair is an indication of nonconformity, he isn't going to hire someone with long hair. Fair? It is his pet store; he can set the price of his pets, and who handles them.

The Bible clearly teaches we are not to consider outward appearances, but the inner person. However, this is not a contradiction of Scripture. The context in Scripture deals with social position and wealth. The intent is that we shouldn't look down at someone who doesn't have as much as the next. It has nothing to do with a person who deliberately tries to look, act, and be different from everyone else. Fairness, and trust are not the issues before us. The "rebellion" against authority that drives us to be different is the issue.

We all want to be our own person, and express the "real me" hidden within. Perhaps we should look at our appearance and actions in a mirror. This is who and what we are saying the "real me" is to the outside world. Is the reflection we see in that mirror who and what we want to be?

It takes more courage to care, to be and act "normal" than to hide beneath mounds of clutter and torn clothing. There are many ways to express our unique self, which do not set off warning bells in the minds of every adult we meet. Thoughtfulness, caring, respect, and conformity, go a long way in gaining the respect and freedom we all want. The old adage "Act like an adult, and you will be treated like an adult." is true. Try it! I think you will be both surprised and pleased with the result.

This has been applied more to teenagers than others. But the same advice works throughout life. You don't get a job in the bank dressed like the president of the local Hell's Angels chapter. Appearance counts at every stage of life.

Again, this isn't against the teaching of the Bible. Clean and presentable are within reach of all; so are dirty and smelly. Put yourself on the other side of the desk, which one would you trust, respect, and hire?